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Question by Brian Nelson: How do you recover from this?!?

First of all, please ONLY genuine answers. This really isn't the time to slag me off for what I've done. I'm trying to get help. Yahoo Answers might not be ideal, but short of a therapist (who we're seeing in 3 days) or a friend (who cannot advise at the moment), this is all I have. I'm desperate to fix this. Your help is appreciated. Thanks.


My husband and I have been together for 3 years in total and we have a 4 month old baby.

Although we are happy, I have been feeling lonely for more than a year now. Sex is not great, and that's IF we ever do it - t had been going 'downhill' for almost 2 years now, depsite having talked about trying to ignite passion again, etc... we've been down this road before. Plus I'm going through a lot of personal problems with my family back home - parents weren't even able made it to the birth of my baby...and problems continue...

I'm not saying this to win sympathy votes, just giving a background. So one night, I was at home alone, baby was asleep, and my husband had been away at a conference for a week. An old Uni friend was online, on his email at the same time, and we started chatting - by emailing back and forth. We never dated, but we'd always liked each other, and only found out very recently! It was one of those damn if only I knew you were interested back then!! scenarios, you know? It's been 12 years. Each time we saw each other online, which is like once every 3 months, we touched on the subject of what if, but never anything serious.

Anyway... that particular night, what with everything going on, I was having some wine and getting tipsy, feeling lonely, etc... so our conversation turned to full-on flirting and sexual innuendos. Things like how he would be on the next flight to see me, how I expect him to have his shirt unbuttoned before walking through the door, how we would have amazing passion.... yess... preeettt-ttty BAD.

At the time I didn't think much of it, because it didn't mean anything. Because as far as I was concered, I never had any intentions to do anything about it. It was just a nice evening spent having harmless flirtatious fun while being drunk, and I ended the conversation and went to bed. If I were to equate it to something, it would be to reading an erotic novel - it was more the words, and trying to cleverly (and flirtatiously) outwit each other, and the writing just kept getting hotter and hotter as we got more and more excited. But we never went into graphic details or anythign like that, more lie yeah that would be intense or that gives me butterflies... I certainly don't have feelings for this guy, but I do have feelings for the what if and sometimes it's nice to think about what if...but I never in a million years would've done anything as I do adore and love my husband.

Flashforward 3 weeks on, and I leave my email account open one day and my husband sees the emails and reads everything. Of course he is completely devastated. He's so hurt and feeling so low, questioning everything. He doesn't understand why I agreed to marry him if I still had feelings for someone else. I tried to explain to him that it meant nothing, it was just words, I was drunk, not thinking straight, tired, lonely, I don't have feelings for this guy, etc... but of course those aren't excuses. Had it been the reverse, I'd have been the same.

We want our marriage to work so much and I am so grateful he's changed his mind about leaving me (he was going to file for divorce). We've been talking SO much about everything and have never been more open and honest with each other. I guess in a way this has brought us closer, but at the same time the pain and hurt is still vvveeeery much there - this only happened on Saturday and today is Tuesday.

We're seeing a therapist on Friday but I am desperate to know what to do between now and then. He goes through these emotional pangs, understandably, and I just can't bare to see him in so much pain. I've never regretted anything in my life and don't know why I was so stupid and made such a horrible mistake. I really wish I could take it all back :-(

I want to help him now... but don't know how, when I'm the reason! I've been so supportive, loving and patient with him, no matter what he throws at me, I've taken it all. But I'd like to be able to do more. Any ideas?

Your help and suggestions are highly appreciated - specially if there's anyone who's been in the same or a similar situation. Thanks!




Best answer:

Answer by Dylan Lloyd
we all make mistakes but at least you now realize how much your husband means to you and you do really love him, just be patient see your counselor and you two will be fine.

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